Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Have I Lost the Will to Blog?

Quite a jaunty title for my first blog post, don't you think?

It's been several years since I last blogged. Sounds like an AA confession, but I really used to blog. Cynical, college-style blogging in (often) daily posts with moderately interesting things to say. It was called "What Modesty Forbids," based on a quote by—Liberace, I think? I never was able to find that quote again. My favorite feature was called, "A Short Play by Rachel," which involved—you guessed it—short plays required by some weird incident in my life.

And then life changed.

I got married. I moved a state over. All things you'd think a person would blog about. The weird thing was, I felt like a different person. The persona (if you could call it that, since it was nothing like an alter-ego) under which I blogged didn't seem like me anymore. The people who had once read it weren't really in my life anymore. I archived my posts and shut down my blog in 2005.

It'll probably be five years this fall since I last wrote a blog entry. Five years of changing and learning and growing. I'm a mom now, which is totally weird. When I first started blogging, it was mostly about hearing the sound of my own voice, more or less. My voice is the same now, but different at the same time. I'm sure someone can relate to that—being the same person you've always been but, somehow, wholly and completely different. Life is strange that way.

So here I am, blogging away. The reason? Well, mostly I want to become a published author. Authors have to have "platforms" on which to sell their books. Essentially, I need an audience. You, now, are my audience. Welcome!

With this passion has come a desire to write more frequently. To be creative for the sake of reminding myself that I'm a creative person. To push myself to see life through the lens I once used, a lens that revealed my quirky nature in a unique way that encouraged me to relate to the world differently.

That sounds kinda weird and pretentious, doesn't it? Let's go back to the part about being creative and then say that I used to lead a funny life that people liked to read about.

Is life still funny? It has to be. I'm still me, in all my weirdness, despite being a wife and a mom now.

That's the other thing. I don't really want this blog to be about being a wife and a mom, although I'm sure that'll come up occasionally. I want this blog to be about being Rachel and what that means these days. I really want to figure that out.

I suppose you also noticed that the blog title is The Lazy Christian. It's got to be about that, too. The one thing that's come to define my life more than anything else is my faith (despite it's being buried in the umpteenth paragraph of this post and despite the title indicating my oft-professed laziness regarding said faith). I'm a churchy gal. I spent lots of time at church. Every time I leave the house, my son asks my husband, "Mama, church? Mama, church?" The answer is, with few exceptions, "Yes, Mama's at church."

But why? What does that say about me? Who am I now in this gung-ho Jesusy world of mine? How is my faith being poured out through my words and actions? What am I doing with the gifts and talents God's given me?

Well, I've got that last one answered. Writing a readerless blog. Faaaaaaantastic.

This is all part of who I am now. The post-blogging, re-blogging Rachel-in-the-Works is a new me to understand and deal with. So how do I figure her out and deal with her?

Hopefully that process doesn't include more thoughtful, downer blog entries. I didn't intend for this be so heavy! It was supposed to be akin to Entertainment Weekly and it's become The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Yikes.

So, while I'm figuring out how to be a blogger again, I look forward to interacting and becoming part of the—hmm—blogosphere? Is that still a thing? I actually don't remember hearing that word until I'd already stopped blogging. Am I part of that thing where something is cool and then it's uncool and then it's cool again? Perhaps the cool part was that middle section when I wasn't actually blogging. Anyway, I look forward to reentering the blogforce and becoming one that's somewhat interesting to read.

Present post excluded.

2 comments:

  1. You've got one reader! Good to hear your (written) voice again, Rach!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jennifer O'DonnellAugust 12, 2010 at 2:27 PM

    I miss your blogging. Having a kids and a family had changed more than just my voice, or so I thought... I'm finally seeing that I am still me under this hairpulling world of noise known as kids.

    ReplyDelete

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