I've always been afraid of dying young. My mom died young, so for some reason I always assumed I would, too. I'm almost positive my sister has thought about it (at least, I hope she has so I don't feel like I'm alone in this!). It's like I expected some sort of bomb or something to go off in my body as soon as I hit my 30s.
Now that I have this surgery coming up, I've been thinking about dying. A. Lot. Plenty of things can go wrong in surgery. Even though it's a surgery I've had before, I figure that the more times they open you up, the more opportunity there is for something to go wrong.
At first, I thought maybe my fears about this surgery were warnings. Like God was trying to tell me not to have the surgery. But then I realized: Fear doesn't come from God. Sometimes the Holy Spirit will move us to an uneasiness that tells us to take a different path, but that's not what this is. This is out-and-out fear. That's not from God.
In talking to a friend today, I realized that fear is from Satan (which I'd already figured out, since it's clearly not from God), and that Satan has chosen my previously existing fear of dying young to play on. He knows it's something I fear. It's something I'm sure I've admitted before. He's using it to plant more fear in me—to shake my faith. To try to turn me away from God. He wants to scare me into doubting God.
I don't like that Satan can use things against me. I don't like that he's such a sore loser that he's willing to take it out on me in order to hurt God. God doesn't want to see me suffer. His heart aches when my heart aches. And he's the only one who can take away this fear and anxiety and replace it with his peace. In fact, I'm having a prayer party the night before my surgery. My friends are all coming over to pray with me and beat Satan to a pulp. Nothing says "get thee behind me" like a bunch of prayer warriors!
I'm sure God wouldn't mind me saying that Satan is a jerkface. What tactics does The Bad Guy use against you? How do you fend him off?