It's never occurred to me to be mad at God.
Sure, there have been lots of bad times. I've felt that things in my life have been unfair, or I've had things go really badly, but I've never thought God was to blame. I guess I just chalk it up to life being life, or me making lousy decisions. Then I just hope to break even and to have some hindsight that'll clear things up.
Very Christiany, right?
At the same time, I've not exactly clung to him in troubled times, either. When life sucks, I don't really want to talk to him. I'm not sure why. It takes effort? I don't want to talk to anyone else, so why God? I don't know. But I feel like I go into hiding. I pull some imaginary (or real) covers over my head and shut God out of my life until I feel better.
I was talking about it this morning with some of my MOPS moms, and then this was part of my Bible reading today (from The Message):
A David Psalm1-2 God, God...my God! Why did you dump me
miles from nowhere?
Doubled up with pain, I call to God
all the day long. No answer. Nothing.
I keep at it all night, tossing and turning.
3-5 And you! Are you indifferent, above it all,
leaning back on the cushions of Israel's praise?
We know you were there for our parents:
they cried for your help and you gave it;
they trusted and lived a good life.
6-8 And here I am, a nothing—an earthworm,
something to step on, to squash.
Everyone pokes fun at me;
they make faces at me, they shake their heads:
"Let's see how God handles this one;
since God likes him so much, let him help him!"
9-11 And to think you were midwife at my birth,
setting me at my mother's breasts!
When I left the womb you cradled me;
since the moment of birth you've been my God.
Then you moved far away
and trouble moved in next door.
I need a neighbor.
Jeepers. Even David, Mr. God-Loves-Me-So-Much himself, got angry with God. And you know what? He told God. He didn't mope around and hide out (like I would). He got right in God's face and said, "You left me! You abandoned me! Life sucks and where are you? Nowhere! Show up, man!"
And this made it into the Bible. Interesting.
What this tells me is that God wants to hear it. Whatever's on your heart, whatever's bugging you—even if it's really unpleasant—God wants to hear it. He wants all of us, all of the time. The good stuff and the bad stuff. Even Jesus had bad days and got grumpy. He asked God to take away the torture he was about to face. He wasn't skipping up to Calvary; the man cried and prayed and questioned God's plan. And he sweated blood!
Talk about going through a rough time. Nothing in my life has caused me to sweat blood. That's heavy.
That's the thing about Jesus showing up here: God knows. Since Jesus was fully God and fully man, God understands what it's like to be human. The emotions we have, the things with which we struggle. So we can lay it all on him. Even if we're angry with him, we can tell him. He'll understand. He just wants to talk. He wants us to bring everything to him.
I've just got to be willing to bring it. I've got to understand that he can handle anything. Certainly more than I can handle on my own, that's for sure. And he can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. Anything we think of, God can do more. Infinitely more.
What do you do when life is crummy? Do you get angry with God? Do you still talk to him, or am I the only one who gives God the silent treatment?