After yesterday's blog post, I decided to follow the advice my dear, wise friend Rachel left in the comments:
Journal - and not just your prayers, but have actual conversations with God.
After my son fell asleep at nap time, I sat on the floor of my bedroom. It was silence. It was solitude. It was something I'd never attempted at home. I tried one of the visualization exercises. I asked God to show me who he made me to be.
He said, "That's too much right now."
I said, "OK, then show me just one aspect of who you made me to be that you want me to know."
He said, "You have a voice."
Not just the ability to speak. I knew that. I talk a lot. But he specifically pointed out to me that when I talk, people will listen. This idea that I have that people automatically overlook what I say—it's wrong.
I made sure to get out my notebook so I could jot all this down.
I asked about my platform. "Do I just use my voice in my blog? Are you brokering a book deal for me, God? Where should I be using this?"
And then God, proving he has a sense of humor, said, "Rachel, Jeremiah didn't have a book deal."
Ha! Touché, God.
He said that using my voice to share my faith—my struggles, my growth, even this conversation—will point people toward him. Even if it's just sharing with people in my life and not writing it down anywhere, my faith will bring glory to God.
I asked him how I can use my voice for him and lose the misconceptions to which I've fallen prey. His answer was clear:
Seek me. Find me. Know me. You can't be my voice unless you know me. And the better you know me, the more the old understanding of yourself will fade. Then I can show you more.
I told him I was sorry that I haven't done that enough. He said, "Don't be. Just change it. Fix it so I can show you more. You don't need to be 'fixed;' you're not broken. You're just misinformed."
Funny, because I feel broken. And we use that word so much—that we're a broken people who need God to put us back together. I wonder how much of that is really just misinformation about who we really are, since it seems Jesus already did most of the repair work. Hmm.
I asked him to tell me what else I needed to know, but he told me that was plenty for one day, and that I needed to go rest in this knowledge and process it. They don't call him the Only Wise King for nothin'. So here I am, sharing it with you and processing it all.
I heard this conversation as clearly in my heart as if it were someone sitting across the table from me. I guess what you can take from this is that God will communicate with you. Doesn't matter who you are, doesn't matter how well you currently know him. If you need him to talk to you—to give you guidance or answer questions—he will. You just have to make room to listen.
I'm going to go process some more. I was just really excited to share this with you. Have you had an experience with God like this? Share it here so our faith can speak volumes about God's willingness to interact with us.
We don't have to be Moses on a mountaintop. We can encounter God even on the floor of our (kinda messy) bedroom while our kid naps. Isn't that amazing? It's amazing.