Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Instant Replay

So remember two weeks ago, when I said I wanted an "unsubscribe" button for my brain? Well, now there's a button I have that I don't want:

Instant replay.

As it turns out, I am capable of saying an infinite number of ridiculous things. Some of them merely nonsensical, some (unintentionally) hurtful or insulting, and some just downright thoughtless.

Clearly, I'm not completely unaware of this condition. The problem is that I don't realize these things are about to leave my mouth before I say them. At least not how they'll sound to other people, anyway. Things always sound better in my head. More clever.

The problem is that, once I say them and realize whatever I said wasn't quite right, whatever I said replays in my brain nonstop.

Non. Stop.

Even if the words weren't hurtful or mean—merely stupid—I can't stop the replay. Even if I say to myself, "You know what? Whoever I said it to has probably forgotten it already. I need to stop thinking about it, " I can't. And they probably have forgotten it. Truly. There are things I said years ago that I'm sure nobody remembers (except for me) and probably nobody thought was stupid (except for me), and yet they remain embedded in my brain. I replay the scenes over and over again—as they were, as I wish they'd been, as they never will be. It's torture!

And you know who sends thoughts like that, right?

Jerkface.

He wants us to worry—to dwell in the past, to stop focusing on what matters. He wants us to linger on our imperfections and forget the grace we've been granted for all of our faults. He wants us to assume the worst in others; he wants us to assume they won't be forgiving or understanding when our tongue slips, as mine is apt to do.

He is such a jerk. For reals.

I just need to remember that I have grace from God, and that others probably have a little grace for me, too. I just need to ask for it.

Do you have one of these instant replay buttons, or am I the only one? Insanity loves company...

4 comments:

  1. Hi Rachel - yes, I do that too, especially if I can think of something I should have said instead, that was cleverer. I also replay scenarios in my head of what conversation 'might' happen when I bump into so-and-so! I also have to kind of tell myself, 'let it go' no one else is going crazy over this!
    Great post as always
    God bless
    Tracy

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  2. I have one... and it doesn't seem to have an off switch, just maybe a pause button. All my "should have saids" and "wish I didn't says" just play and play.

    The big thing I learned last weekend is that I give Satan way too much power. The instant replay is just one way I allow him to control me and make me ineffective.

    Good post!!

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  3. Oh, sing it sister! I constantly beat myself up for dumb stuff I said/did, that I know no one else remembers. Well, sometimes they do, but really, it doesn't matter. Yea God for just using delete.

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  4. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does this. It usually happens to me in the wee hours of the morning (after a nighttime feeding w/my baby). I will lay there wide awake and think of all the stupid things I've said in the last, oh, I don't know, TEN YEARS OR SO!

    I'm so thankful that we can just ask the Lord for help and He gives it to us!

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