Monday, July 11, 2011

Sermon Smackdown: Deep Friendships

Sometimes I wish I were single.

Not because I don't love my husband, of course. I wouldn't trade him for anything. But sometimes I miss the things I could do when I was single. Partying all night! Sleeping all day!

Well, no. Not really. I didn't do those things. I'm so boring.

What I miss the most is the ability to spend enough time with my girlfriends to really form deep friendships. It was nothing to go out on a weeknight and get coffee or see a movie. On a weeknight! We didn't have husbands we needed to spend time with or children we needed to care for. My girls and I could spend unlimited time together—I got to know them, they got to know me, and we formed deep bonds of friendship.

It's really hard to make those connections now. We moved from Ohio to Indiana a few months after my husband and I were married, and I had to find new friendships here in the Hoosier State. It's not that I don't have any friends; I do. It just feels like I can't spend the time required to build deep, lasting friendships. Spending one-on-one time with a girlfriend once a month doesn't seem to cut it.

And, of course, the sermon yesterday was about living in unity and forming deep bonds with people in the church, and how we need that as the body of Christ.


It's hard to do! There aren't enough hours in the day! And it's not like I don't see my church friends—I have meetings and rehearsals. But there are ten or more of them there, and we're trying to get things done; not exactly a "quality time" sort of setting. So it doesn't get done, and my relationships stay fairly shallow.

How do you ensure that you build deep, lasting relationships with other followers of Christ? Any tips?

Lazy Christian Challenge:  If I have to do it, why not you, too? Our church has been challenged to memorize Philippians 2:1-11. Let's all do it together!


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  1. Prayer. I desperately needed a close friend that I could lean on and would always point me to Christ. After months of praying, God brought her (back) into my life. (We knew each other years ago) I am thankful for her because she prays with me, and she is not afraid to disagree with me. He brought her to me right when I realized I desperately needed her. I am confident that He will do it for you too!

  2. I just stumbled on your blog. I'm pretty sure that you are not much different than everyone else out there (the laziness part!), you are just one who admits it! No one has it all together! They just want to make you feel like they do! And...sometimes I want others to think I have it all together too! So...that means we are ALL lazy AND prideful!

    That's why we need Jesus!

    Pray for opportunities to connect with people...and then be purposeful. The body of Christ NEED each other!!!

    Grace to you!!!


  3. It's hard not only to make good friends, but to maintain those friendships post kids. I rarely see my girlfriends anymore unless we all get together with our families, and then I'm usually chasing 3 kids around and not able to chit chat much.

    What I've learned lately is I need to MAKE the time -- to spend with friends, to go out and spend a night by myself getting coffee, to finally go get my pedicure that I got for Mother's's easy for me to say I don't have time, but I really just need to consult with the Hubs and say "I would really like to go do X ...let's agree on a day/time." And then hopefully when it involved meeting with friends, you can all agree on a time.

    I rarely make this time that I need, and my husband gives me some friendly grief about it. And I imagine having to BUILD new friendships is even harder.

  4. I have the privlege of being home with my kids, and many of the friends I make are also SAHMs, so that can make it a bit easier to build the friendship. I try to have one day a week that I assign to having a playdate and coffee with a friend. There are a few friends I'll hang out with twice a month, and a few I only see every 2 or 3 months. It's slow going, for sure.

    We've now lived here for 1 year and 9 months. While I've got a few friends, none yet that I would say are "that" friend. You know the one. You talk about cleaning bathrooms and finances and God all in one sentence.

    I just keep reminding myself that I only experienced that deep friendship level in my last few years where we used to live. It really takes time. Sigh.

  5. whew, yea, tough...and trying to keep each of my kids with that feeling of deep intimacy to their dad leaves even less room. thank goodness for social media (joke!)

  6. I have been really blessed to have a few strong friendships that I've been able to maintain through marriage and children. I don't know what I would do if I were to move! It's hard enough to keep in touch with the girls I'm close to already. We can pick up where we left off even if we only see each other a few times a year. My struggle right now is finding time to do more for our church, really get involved, plugged-in. Not enough hours in the day...

  7. I love your blog! Your honesty is refreshing. I am much older than you--and can say that it has taken me a lifetime to form those deep friendships. Being intentional and realizing that each opportunity we have to be together is one step forward in a lifelong relationship has helped me--in other words - patience. Keep at it! It seems to me that you would be a wonderful friend to have.


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