Monday, September 19, 2011

My Jesus, I Love Thee

From the moment I met you, I loved you. I wanted you to be in the center of my life.

I was willing to give everything up for you. All the meaningless things I’d been chasing after. I say “was” because—because now it’s getting harder to keep giving things up for you. Loving you is so demanding and so…so…heart consuming.

Yes, you redeemed me. You paid for my crummy life with your precious life. I appreciate that. I just don’t know how to give you everything anymore.

You loved me before I was made—before I even got here. You loved me despite all of my flaws and all of my shortcomings. You loved me even though I hurt you. Repeatedly. And I still hurt you. Repeatedly.

Don’t you see how impossible you are to live up to? You died for me. I can’t do anything to make that up to you. I can’t even come close! You were humiliated—for me. You were tortured and mocked—for me. Because you loved me.

I’m willing to be humiliated and tortured for you. I’d be glad to endure those things. Because they are things—they are tangible. But what you want is love. That is the most intangible thing you could ask of me.

What is my love for you supposed to look like? I can’t send you flowers or cards. I can’t hug you or hold you. Is there a book on your “love language?” Because I’m totally willing to love you all the way until the end—if I just knew how to do it.

Praising you doesn't seem like enough. It seems like you want more from me than that. How do I give you my heart? What does that even look like?

Please, just let me hear you. Let me know what you think or what I’m supposed to do. What can I give you? What will show you I love you? I feel broken in front of you.

I just want to love you.

2 comments:

  1. Can we ever be worthy of His love? I think not, but we must keep trying, eh?

    Love you, girl!

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  2. Your post reminded me of a couple verses. One in Matthew when Jesus says, whatever you do for the least of these you do for me. And the other in John when Jesus asked Peter, Do you love me? Peter, says, you know I do. And Jesus responds, Then feed my sheep.

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