Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Grass is Always Greener

Lately, I've noticed a trend in my life and in the lives of my friends. It seems we all have an overarching struggle in our lives. No matter what's going on in our lives, our frustrations all come back to one particular issue that we constantly seem to be dealing with. Mine is a combination of mommy issues and low self-esteem, if I'm being honest. Which I try to be.

What I've been pondering lately is the frequency of other struggles in my life. Sometimes my friends are going through something, and I think, "Gee. I wonder why that hasn't happened to me?" And a little voice inside me says, "Well, because you've got other things to deal with, missy."

Touché.

For example, I've got this whole pregnancy thing going on at the moment. For the next four months of moments, actually. I have many friends who have had many miscarriages. But I haven't had any. I have friends who can't get pregnant at all. But I can. I have. Twice. Sometimes I don't think it's fair that they've had to go through those things while I've had an easy time of it. It's pretty easy to beat myself up over it, to tell you the truth. I think about it a lot.

But every time I stop and think to myself, "Why them? Why not me?" the same small voice says, "I've got different things planned for you." I think that's abundantly clear now that I know my little one is a girl. There are a whole lot of things for me to work through on that front—which comes back to my mommy issues and my low self-esteem. Of course. And this experience will somehow make me a better, stronger person and a better, stronger Christian. At this point, I'm sure of that fact.

I can't pretend to know what others are supposed to learn from their experiences or from their primary life struggle. That's not for me to figure out. My friends are on their own journeys, and God will help them figure it out as they go along. But I know that I've been through enough in my life that I trust God to help me understand over time why things have happened. He's helped me come to terms with a lot of things that I thought I'd always carry around with me.

What helped wake me up was all the time I spent imagining how the other side would be. What if my life were the opposite? What if all the problems I've had were suddenly the opposite—easy, breezy? Well, that means a whole lot of other things might be the opposite, too. Things that, if they were changed, would turn my entire life upside-down. Things that would put me worse off than I am in so many ways.

So when you're busy thinking of all the things you'd want to be different in your life, immediately picture all of the other things that would also be different. All the wonderful blessings you've got that may need to change to accommodate your ideal situation. Would you be willing to give those up?

I wouldn't.

5 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more. My life is very complicated right now so I seem to be stressing entirely too much. Thankfully I know He has a method to all this madness. I know I wouldn't change the great things in my life for a chance on something else.

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    1. Agreed. And by the time I think of all the alternate possibilities I could be living, I've wasted the reality that's in front of me---and the one that's probably best suited to me!

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  2. I have been thru some crappity-crap in my life. Not as bad as some people, but when i share stories with friends, their chins drop to the floor at the outrageousness of the crap. But I wouldn't take it back for a single second. Thru that crap, I learned more about God, and I became stronger in my faith. And I needed that strength to get thru more crap ( especially the death of our first daughter). God never, ever makes one of His children go thru crap just for the heck of it. There is always a reason. Always. And that makes me thankful for my own crap and not want to trade with others.

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    1. I feel you. For me, the death of my mom was something I always wished I could change. How much better my life would be if she were here! But then I think, "Well, how much other stuff about my life would be changed, too?" I went to a Christian school when I was young because they had before-and-after school care. I wouldn't have needed that if my mom hadn't died. That's where I gave my life to Christ, so it's possible I wouldn't have become a Christian---which means it's possible I wouldn't have met my husband, since I met him at church, and maybe I wouldn't have my son. I mean, I wouldn't know how different the other scenario could have turned out, but I'm happy where I am right now, so I wouldn't want to jeopardize that. It's so loopy when you start thinking about the alternatives.

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