Friday, March 23, 2012

The Seven Year Itch

I've lived in Indianapolis for almost seven years now. I've lived in the same house for seven years. I've gone to the same church for seven years.

I'm starting to get a little antsy.

I hate cute animal pictures. And yet.
I just realized that this is the longest I've stayed in one place. I mean, I lived in my parents' house for 18 years, but in that time I changed schools once (twice, if you count the transition between middle school and high school) and changed groups of friends at least three times. Even my best friend who lived on my street was only my best friend for maybe four or five years, and then she moved to another town. After high school, I went to college, and there was a lot of friend changeover there, too. I became an RA and had that rotating door of friends as people graduated or left the RA program. The last two years of college I had my college newspaper friends. After graduation, I lived in three different houses within two years, and most of my college friends fell away. The ones I still talked to, I didn't see much (and even if I still talk to high school or college friends, I never get to see them). I made some friends at the church I started attending after college, but the ministry I was a part of was comprised of single people, many of whom moved away for jobs or got married and left the group. My husband and I got married maybe two years later, and we moved to Indianapolis a few months after that. Then I had to make all new friends again, a process I still feel like I'm working on.

And it's kind of exhausting.

My life has been one of constant change, and now I'm suddenly settled down. Seven years is two years longer than my longest in-person best friendship. People are actually getting to know me. I'm getting to know other people. When people find out the junk in my life, I can't anticipate a move that will take me away from them shortly. I'm pretty much going to be here for the foreseeable future. Maybe not in the same house, but definitely at the same church, with the same community. I'm putting down roots, something I don't feel like I've had before. It's weirding me out. People are learning about my faults and my shortcomings, and they either learn to live with them or call me out on them. Either way, it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable. 

I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure how to proceed from here. I'm honestly feeling some anxiety about this situation, and I'm tempted to cut ties and convince my husband to go to another church or something because I don't know what life is going to look like from here. Will I know the same people forever? Not that my friends aren't great, but I'm just not used to the idea of always having the same people around. I've always been jealous of people who have had the same BFF since middle school or high school. Such an intimate relationship! I tried looking up some Bible verses about friendship, but of course the first one that came up was Proverbs 20:6:

Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?

Not. Helpful.

Have you been in a similar situation? Finally putting down roots and kind of overwhelmed by it? What did you do? 

11 comments:

  1. I never get tired of your honesty. :)

    Since I've lived in the same 20 mile radius my whole life (can you say 'depressing'?) I can only sort of relate. I've always had the itch to move, but for different reasons. I like to think of myself as more of a free spirit and I love meeting new people and seeing new places. I've never suffered from Homesickness.

    But maybe underneath it all, there's something in me that has a hard time committing. I'm pretty sure there is actually. HA!

    Not exactly what you're talking about, I know. But this post has made me think a little! Like always! :)

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    1. It kind of does feel like a fear of commitment! The thing is, I've always wanted to live in a place where I'm happy and surrounded by quality people. Now that I am, I don't want to commit! Figures, doesn't it?

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  2. I've moved around so much. And now we are finally where we'll be forever. Or at least, we think so. And it's a bit unsettling.

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  3. I sort of went through this recently.... But with my love life before the husband became the Hubs he was the boyfriend of 6 years.... Lame enough the name change really helped me...

    Maybe just a little change can spice up life for you?

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    1. Getting married is a BIG change, though! It seems like all my changes are big ones---marriage and moving and babies. I need to learn how to make little changes. :)

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  4. I've always been pretty close to my hometown area. I have a few friends from growing up but most are people I have become friends with as adults. Sometimes it is good to not be around people who know every detail about you. Sometimes, you even learn that you can be someone completely different in different company.

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    1. I knew I didn't want to stay close to my hometown when I grew up. Never thought I'd be in Indiana, though---I always pictured myself as more of an East Coaster. :) I try to be myself at all times, but there are certain people who bring out my know-it-all-ness or my dramatic nature. And not for the best.

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  5. Yeah, I'm hitting 7 years in the DC area (though not the same city or house or anything) and it's hard not to feel a sense of restlessness. For me it's less about the friends getting to know me etc and more a fear of boredom/not growing and moving forward. I always thought I'd live in at least one more metropolitan area (and of course that could still happen) so there's a tinge of regret there. And I've been missing NYC every once in awhile. But like you said, so much good comes from making a home somewhere. It can be a tough tradeoff.

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    1. You've had a tight knit group of friends since college, though, and they all moved to DC with you. Which is ridiculous and awesome at the same time. lol I'm jealous!

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  6. It's funny how people can have similar experiences and experience them differently. :D I too have not had friendships that lasted - people move / move on - but yet my reaction upon finally finding some friends is "I only want real friends (who can call me out on my crap) so if that's not you then lets just call the whole thing off." Ok, well not quite that harsh but, you know. I feel I've been alone so long that, except for my lovely MIL pointing out the error of (ALL) my ways, I've gotten quite comfortable in thinking that I'm never the problem. haha RIIIIIIGHT!

    May you be blessed in being vulnerable.

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