Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Holy Spirit Smackdown!

I was hoping my next post would be one introducing you to my sweet little girl.

No such luck. She's making the most of her time in here, much to my dismay. But if you've ever wondered what it sounds like when God speaks to you, I've got a story for you.

In my last post, I talked about waiting on God. I decided that this baby would come in God's time and I'd stop trying to fiddle with things. I told God, "I'm waiting for you! You've got her birthdate picked out, so I'm just going to trust you and stop trying to do things myself!"

I did. For about a day. Every time I thought about going into labor, I said to myself, "I'm waiting on you, God." And then I immediately became impatient again. What made me feel even more impatient was the information that my baby is measuring 41 weeks and is likely to be over nine pounds. I'm only 38 weeks along, technically, which means my baby is growing at warp speed. I've known for a while now that I just cook 'em fast, and that's fine—as long as they arrive in a timely manner.

And she isn't.

So last night, I tried my last-ditch old wives' tale: getting a pedicure. There's this place on the inside of your ankle that will start labor if you rub it. So I went to the nail salon and said, "You know that place that starts labor? Rub the heck out of it!" And he did. And I had contractions through the night.

And yet. No baby.

I also ran into a friend of mine last night who suggested something my doctor could do to get labor going that she had done when she was pregnant. I mentioned it to my husband, and he said, "Call the doctor! See if she can do it today!"

...or a smackdown. Whatever you need to do.
Then I felt a nudge. It started out kind of soft, and then it felt more like an elbow to the ribs. And a voice spoke into my heart saying, "Didn't you say you were going to wait for me? And then you immediately turned around and started trying to do it yourself. I thought we were in this together."

Ouch. Convicted!

So when my husband called this morning and said, "Did you call the doctor?" I had to say, "Umm, I don't think I'm going to. I kinda told God I was going to wait for him, and then I tried to do it myself. Again. So I think I need to actually wait for God like I promised." My darling husband said, "Oh. Yeah. I get that. Then that's what you need to do."

I'm not going to lie; part of me is thinking, "Well, if I really do wait on him, he'll reward me by not making me wait long!" I'm trying to get rid of that nagging little thought, since I have no promise either way of how long this kid is going to take. And even if God decides the baby should arrive tonight, it's not necessarily a reward or punishment; it's probably what he had picked out all along.

So I'm waiting. On God. For reals this time. And I apologized to him for not waiting on him in the first place. Because that was rude. And kind of tricky.

What's your response when the Holy Spirit convicts you of something?

14 comments:

  1. I love this and I can so relate. Nothing makes a woman grown in patience like children, whether it's potty-training them, cleaning up after them, or waiting for them to be born.

    Plus, I love how gently and kindly the Spirit reminds us of the stuff we said we were gonna do and then didn't.

    I think He will reward your obedience and I think that reward will be a beautiful baby girl--either this week or next.

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    1. It's not like she can hang out much longer than that. lol That's the thing! I know that, no matter what, she's right around the corner. She's gotta come out sometime! I just have to wait days. Days! And it's killing me.

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    2. I kinda feel like the disciples in the garden. "You couldn't stay awake for an HOUR?!" Rachel, you can't wait a few DAYS?!

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  2. Rachel...I so know what you mean. When God nudges me, I don't always obey right away. Sometimes I let pride or fear or just rebellion get the best of me. I also say I will do something and then turn around and do something different. I am so glad God is gracious and merciful. I am also glad He doesn't give up on me.

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    1. I've been doing this Priscilla Shirer study called Discerning the Voice of God, and there are questions in the book I purposely DON'T answer because I don't want to have to follow through. I'm such a chicken sometimes! I usually go back and fill it in out of guilt, but still. If I don't fill it in, there's nothing for me to own up to or obey, right? :p

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  3. I love the Holy Spirit because He serves as a daily reminder that I need a Savior! When He convicts I try to tell my husband and my friend so that they can help hold me accountable to whatever I'm needing to change.

    By the way, yesterday would have been Elijah's 4th birthday - so enjoy these last days of pregnancy because some babies don't make it that far. She's a gift! So excited for you!

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  4. Everything else aside, I'm so surprised your doctors aren't making you get induced! (I'm NOT for induction, btw.)

    Don't be too hard on yourself. The last few days of pregnancy seem like AN ETERNITY.

    I really love what Nicole said. She's totally right. "Nothing makes a woman grow in patience like children." Amen! And amen!

    I'll pray that your sweet little baby comes RIGHT NOW! :)

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    1. My doctor is a certified nurse midwife (CNM), so she doesn't jump to medical interventions if she can help it. That's something I really appreciate about her! Besides, they wouldn't try to induce me till 39 weeks. She offered to, if that was something I wanted, but I'm not about it.

      I think what makes this hard is that my son was 2.5 weeks early and I didn't see him coming at all. My water broke out of nowhere. So I expected to have this one before this point and not have to wait so long. See what I get for having any expectations whatsoever?!

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  5. Ok, first things first. I am sooo praying a prayer circle around you and your husband! You will get through this, amen!

    I'm not married and I've never had a child so I can't relate to what you're going through. But I DO relate to making a commitment to the Lord and then following distractions elsewhere. When the Holy Spirit convicts me, I try to jump on it immediately. Otherwise, I drag my feet to the point of not acting on it! All I can do is try :-)

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  6. Love you, Rachel! That process you shared is oh-so familiar. How do I handle His conviction? Depends on the day. Generally (once I've actually HEARD the conviction, or stopped ignoring that I heard it) I do the same thing you do. Back and forth. Back and forth. Unless I just find something else to distract me from that cycle, to take my mind off the struggle long enough for those new thought pathways to get established! :)

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  7. When the HS tells me sumpin I am usually ANNOYED> When I speak and mention my faith I explain I know I am hearing from God when it is NOT what I want to hear! LOL!

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  8. Repent <3 then try and try again. :o)

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  9. Have to admit your blog bought some memories back for me. When my wife was pregnant with #1 I was in the Army and they were going to send me to the field if she did not have baby so went riding on cobblestone streets in a VW at high speed.. It worked. LOL Anyhow I know it is hard, but I can guarantee you that waiting on God is a good thing and always works in the long run. Even when things seem bad it will work out in the long run. Maybe not what we expected but it will work out. Also no two deliveries are the same. Have four daughters and each came in their own way and on their own schedule. My prayers are with you. As it is very late on Friday and you have not posted since Wednesday I figure you are busy, Thanks for following my blog. Will check back later for details.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! I'm not super busy---just not super up to blogging as of late. :) I'm aiming for a post a week until I have this baby and get back to being myself. What THAT'S going to look like once I have a second kiddo to look after is going to be interesting. :)

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