Monday, February 4, 2013

Alive at Last

Hi. My name is Rachel. It's been more than three months since my last blog post. 

In case you're the type who likes photo updates...
Where were you for three months? you ask. I wish I had the answer. I shared with you that I've been dealing with postpartum depression since the birth of my daughter last April. It feels like the last year or so is a fog out of which I'm just now emerging. I'm not sure how my daughter is nine months old already; I'm also not sure how most parents live through their child's fourth year. My son has suddenly lost his mind. A million dollars to the person who finds it!

I also feel like I've been in a spiritual fog. God has had to carry me through the PPD, but all I could do is let him. I couldn't talk to him, couldn't acknowledge him. The last few blog posts were pretty much a miracle, considering the state of my soul. I must have been provided a few lucid moments for those. I still have some bad days, but most of them are good right now. Praise God for that!

I don't know if it's because I was so spiritually unresponsive or in spite of it, but I am going through a season right now that has never happened in my life:

I crave time with God.

I just want to snuggle up next to him all day long. I wake up singing praises, I go to bed singing praises. I long for my quiet time with him. I'm happy to get up early to spend time with him.

Me. Up early. I'm going to have to change the name of this blog, aren't I?

My husband has asked me how this started, since he'd love to be in this season, too. I have no answer for him. Perhaps my soul went without nourishment for so long, it's starving. That's kind of what it feels like. I don't recommend the starving part, but the hunger for his company is incredible!

So that's where I'm at right now. Perhaps I'll start writing more; perhaps not. Perhaps my readership has abandoned me entirely! Perhaps you're in a season right now that has you craving time with God more than anything (even more than blogging). If so, I'm grateful you understand my heart right now.

Have you ever gone through a season like this? Do you want to? If you don't have an answer to either of these, just tell me how you've been!